Boredom and Blissfulness

I try not to write boring blogs, but sometimes it is unpreventable. Mentioning that I went somewhere and saw something, played some stuffs and it is all fun, these excites people. Mentioning what I thought about somethings, and move on to something else, I abstract some more ideas, and learn a few things, and all appeared boring. But these 'boring' stuffs are what I did in a retreat I had been.

Boredom - perhaps equates to lack of change and motion for some. But really, that level pretty much is also what happen when one feels blissful. Blissful - no need for change and motion, for one is already contented with the present moment.

It was a ten-days retreat. We wake up at 4am, sleep at 10pm. In between, we meditated for 40 mins periods, do yoga, eat, exercise, and other humanly affairs. All seem the same, except we are all looking within, meditating, ignoring wandering thoughts, reducing information to the mind, including self-generated ones.

You may think, "I think therefore I am." But you will be surprise, even when you don't want to think, you still do! We may like to change that sentence to "Thinking make us who we are," removing the subject 'I,' for we are not really in control. Thinking takes place whether we wanted, and it is not easy to calm ourselves down.

Instead of meaningless 'emptiness,' letting go of thoughts will allow us to observe our thoughts more closely. Recent thoughts fade away as days went by, replacing with older ones. Even faces that we had forgotten may resurfaces, rekindling good/bad memories, learning our history as we grew and changed. 'I' is but a composition of conditions made up of friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances, and circumstances. You learn more about yourself, why do you always act in someways? Is it good? Is it bad? Are you happy? Are people around you happy? Where is your life heading?

At the end, this retreat felt like my first, stark contrast before and after, and a lot of reflections. A feeling of rebirth. The fresh air, tender breeze, voices, sight, and touches consume the anxiety and fear. I am neither ready nor not ready to return to reality. For there is neither a need to fight nor to let go. Life goes on, just as it is.