Coping with change

Our views change over time. And mine surely is. And at time, it changes from one to another and back again.

When I was an undergrad and grad school, I used to think its not important to plan very far, just adapt with changing time and conditions. It does work and my life is very good.

When I was working, I learnt to think and plan carefully, day by day, month by month, and year by year. Its stressful. But it works too. Then I believe in planning. That one needs to consider to the maximum available information.

Now, I am back to grad school. I was reading a paper that talks about the uncertainty of the future, and goals change across time. While it maybe goal A when we started, it may be goal B when it ended. And at times, we do goalless things, e.g. listening to music. I remember Alexandra the Great, and Sun Pin (a great military strategist of warring period, China): they do not plan their battles, until the very moment where information arrives, and at times this means right before the battle drums. This is because opportunities present itself, at times, very late into the scenario. Information decays and alter. When we make decisions, we have to live in the present moment.

I am quite inspired by these discoveries. And I think I now have something to fall back on, and reconcile both Buddhism and my life experience.

A bomb?

My door bell rings. I open the door, and a flight of hurried foot steps took off down the stairs. A small, tightly packed parcel was left on the floor. The man was running away.

A bomb?


No... its my power converter. :p As I examine the box, a FedEx truck can be seen reversing and turning out of the drive way.

Iran vs US

From BBC:

Mr Ahmadinejad was invited to Columbia University to address its students at the university's World Leaders Forum.

He received a hostile welcome from Mr Bollinger, who described the Iranian leader as "a petty and cruel dictator".

"You are either brazenly provocative or astonishingly uneducated," Mr Bollinger told Mr Ahmadinejad, referring to his denial of the Holocaust.

In response, Mr Ahmadinejad said that Mr Bollinger's remarks were "an insult to information and the knowledge of the audience".

Addressing the Holocaust issue, Mr Ahmadinejad said he simply wanted more research to be done.

He also said the issue was abused by Israel to justify what he said was its mistreatment of the Palestinians.

"Why is it that the Palestinian people are paying the price for an event they had nothing to do with?" Mr Ahmadinejad asked.

Its very sad to see two countries (or cultures) fighting like this. First, Bollinger and Ahmadinejad are speaking of different contexts. Former of the past, that the Jews suffered the most and should be pitied. The latter speaks of now, that palestinians suffered under Jewish rule and should be pitied. Picking the subject of Jews or Palestinian without picking the time makes the debate impossible.

Second, Bollinger looks like a 'little' man. While righteous, totally missed the big picture. Every country has its laws and tolerance and all should respect each other. Without respect, wars such as Iraq invasion happens. But these days, as in the past, guns speak louder than words. On the other hand, Ahmadinejad answered like a gentleman.

Frankly, Iran were enemies of US and media is US's weapon of mass destruction. One wonders why is there no report of Iraqi life in Iraq or Palestinian's situation in west bank? All bombs were dropped on it enemies so precisely destructive.

In all, both sides can be faulted on some degree. But the weight is clearly all loaded on one.

Sweet Singapore's Dream

http://www.colinandyenyen.com/wordpress/paved-with-good-intentions/

Processing as individuals vs processing as a unit

In Singapore, we often see IT dept email as support@xyz.com. In US, esp organizations, we can see names, e.g. michael@abc.com. We will miss the picture if we think its interesting. In Singapore, probably in most Asian countries, individuals fade off and function as a unit, represented by their leader, who don't do the work. In US, each individual play a role, and become part of the work system.

Therefore, in organizations in Singapore, when you need something, you often visit a unit, and be served by someone, who probably follow a protocol, and process your needs. In US, you are asked to look for a person, then follow by another, then another. Sometimes, you know someone process your travels, but she could be your administrator. If she's on leave, you are left with little or no help.

I wouldn't say which is better. But Singapore is a manufacturing world, and US is the information world. Working as a unit, there is culture and rules. People work within a system to do what they are assigned to. In typical orders, they can be very efficient. One can take over another easily. Working as an individual, one become very specialized. One can build depth. One can create opportunities by exercising creativity. This leads to more permutation and possibilities. As a unit, one can hardly maneuver.

But in US, you can get a lot of frustration with the type of service you obtain. Sometimes, you just couldn't find a person, or encounter one who stick by rules like vine. That person, because there is no one else, can become a bottleneck. But I think overall, there are more people with energy and brilliant ideas, and also receive others the same -- with an open heart.

The social side of us

I bought a new Nokia charger. I couldn't find mine when I arrives. I guess its in one of my DHL package. Til now, that package is still being held by US custom. So much for express delivery!

When I arrive, I was quite panicky as I was going to be unplugged from both the Internet and phone. To tell you the truth, its quite scary. We can find a lot of information online, and without it, out life function at less than half the speed. Without the phone, you cannot be found by others. You do not get the choice, and do not know what others might need from you. You may be ignored.

Other than the productivity side of us, I think there is also a social side of us. I remember a Tibetan tour guide who is quite well to do as his household owns 20 Yaks (which is about 10k/yak). But he thinks his family is outdated, and he wanted to work in the city. He thinks economic development is good. He wanted to be part of them.

To me, the thought of being forgotten can be unnerving. Forgotten and dissappear in this faceless world? where you see your friends on msn, sms, and emails most of the time. Actual face to face is so rare, especially when you work at home. Plugging into the world may be the only world to show that we exist.

My second day in Irvine

I finally has some mental space to do creative work such as blogging. Just yesterday, everything was frantic.

This is my second day in Irvine. Actually barely 25 hours. I arrived at 325pm at the housing office, where I need to check in my apt. Before that, I need to pay for the rent at the cashier. I was told that cashier closed at 330pm! I have 5 mins to 'run' a long way! The kind reception gave the cashiers a call and I started running.

Actually I probably read that 330pm thing somewhere. But that's the only timing for my flight. I probably kept my finger crossed when I need to make a decision whether to stay over in LA for one night or head to UCI from airport.

I ran the wrong way! I asked someone again and he gave me a direction. And again, its the wrong way! It takes another runner who lives at Palo too to tell me the way. I arrived at 345pm, dejected and planning to stay at a nearby hotel for the night.

Actually a lot of things went through my mind. "Can I get an exception and pay tomorrow?" "Why don't they build more road signs so that I can follow the map better?" Talking about following the law, often time Americans are stricter than Singapore. But its different environment. While they follow laws, kind folks lend their hands by going the extra miles.

The office is closed, but another kind lady waited for me after the call. I paid in cash and got the papers done. I got the apartment keys. I finally got to open the door about 5-530pm. There are two pieces of USPS failed shipment leaflets outside the door. My electronics probably couldn't arrive on time. The apartment is empty but looks ok. Carpet flooring as the norm in US, and room is pretty cool. One room is totally west facing so felt quite hot at this time.

I checked through quickly to look for damages. The old blinds have pieces fallen off. But its ok. ...But there is no lights in the bedrooms!

Another US 'feature,' no lights in the bedrooms. This also happens at the last place I rented. It didn't have much impression on me as someone already helped me found a table lamp. Now then I remember that guy!

I looked into my luggage for power supply to my laptops, cellphones, and wireless router. I couldn't find my power supply adapter. Singapore uses 3-pin rect plug. US uses 2 flat pins. Without power, I will be ex-communicated in 3 hours (when my batt die).

Now I am in an interesting situation. Phone and laptops potentially out of batt tomorrow. I will need adapter soon. But my adapters are in my failed shipment, which I will need to make phone calls to rearrange. My cellphone is Singapore registered and bills will be astronomical. So I can only make the call from housing office, if they lend it to me. I can get new adapters, which nobody sells in the vicinity. I can buy online, which I need my laptop.

I tried calling with my cellphone but the person puts my on hold for so long that I have to give up. I finally call my wife in the middle of the night to help me call from Singapore, which is way cheaper than I call from US. They finally agreed to deliver the next day.

I need to buy or rent furniture too, which Corts have catalogs online. But they need a phone number to contact me. They also charges $250 for delivery of a bed. I cannot go and buy a car now as I require a driving license and social security number. To get a driving license I need to read up the highway code online and do a test. To obtain social security number I need papers from the school. These problems go in circles.

Then I remembered my Master thesis on communication and mobility, which enables all other activities. So true. I am facing potential breakdown in communication which everything will die off. I have limited mobility in US as I cannot buy a car so soon.

I am so happy later today to find a shopping district beside the campus. It has T-Mobile and Sprint, althought Sprint is closed. I got a T-Mobile prepaid, which is such a relive. I chatted with the assistants, whom from nowhere took out a power adapter converter for me! It was such a pleasant surprise! My life got empowered again!

What happen next? I felt like writing my blog!

When not helping is helping.

In life, we have a lot of chance to offer our hand, our time, and our expertise, so that conditions may be improved. But so often, we may be unconsciously making condition worse, rather than what it seems to be.

A group of friends and I organize meditation classes. Target audience are usually Buddhists. These classes used to be free, as Buddhism had been, for the past hundred of years, a religion of the lower class. (It was higher class during Han and Tang Dynasty.) As a result, activities are usually free or staff with volunteers to make up the low income. As this becomes a tradition, Buddhists organizations in Singapore are often found in the poorer parts of Singapore, eg next to the red light districts, in warehouses, and older shopping malls. Also courses are usually free or next to it. We tried conducting $30 camps before and were told off to be uncompassionate. Not to mention our $200 course...

I chanced upon a startup company, who needs expertise in user experience. They told me they are low on budget. A normal study would have cost in the excess of $20k+. As I wanted to make a point that small companies can also benefit, I made an offer of $5k. They were slow on reply and when they return to me, they indicated that they need to lower their budget. So I looked at my schedule and thought there are some free slots. So I ask for a complimentary amount of $1k. They never got back to me until months later, when I was overwhelmed with work...

Sometimes I wonder what we could have done different. Singapore is already an affluent society and people can afford things. $200 courses seem expensive relatively but people are earning in the excess of $2k/mth. It should be cheap considering that a meditation teacher need 10-20 years of training. Besides, free courses are not substainable. Only large monasteries with large prayer groups can generate enough incomes to substain education. If we stop giving free courses, people will stop attending them. But maybe for the start. How about for 3 months, 6 months, and one year? Sooner or later, people who are really keen will come forth, and influence the rests. Then, the culture and perception will change.

I prefer to help the startup as they are really in need. There is no funding, and they can benefit from the work. Too bad that, perhaps they were skeptical of my intention, they were slow to react. Or they were really busy and not ready for help.

The point is that for what I do, I always look for to create a substainable ecology. Where both giver and receiver can substain their activities. I believe neither in free lunches nor over priced services. Give what you can for what you receive. Perhaps the giver can give more people as a result. More people can also receive a goodwill. The market 'price' you set for a service will also support a more vibrant community to appear. As the saying goes "Teach a man to fish, rather than giving him a fish, if he's not that hungry."

World demanding US pull out from Iraq

Top countries demanding US pull out immediately:
Mexico, Russia, Turkey, Indonesia, and Eygpt

Countries preferring a gradual pull out over a year:
US, UK, Australia, and South Korea

The statistics look interesting. Countries with troops actually prefers a gradual pull out, comparing to those without troops. One begins to wonder: Why do countries with troop prefers to spend more time and money in a foreign nation, rather than just get away and done with, preserving resources and lives?

Pulling out certainly means more resource commitment. But what are the benefits? I can't tell but I guess it may have to do with national dignity?

See statistics:
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44100000/gif/_44100088_us_forces416x300.gif

Memories made up a person

I was looking at cards that I received for the past 15 years. You don't get these things anymore, as everything is digitized over the past 10 years.

Just before I start reading, I did not realize I have left so much behind me, friends from my secondary school, friends I have helped, friends that have helped me, favors owned and forgotten, poor feelings toward another human beings ...

I saw an old note (1996) written by a GP teacher to me. In the note, she apologized for writing late as she was busy. Her son was more active now and her sister contracted cancer. And being in a big family, she had more responsibilities. I did not understand the note then, but I do now. I wished to find her, but we had lost contact. All she left in the Internet is a directory in NUS law school.

Another friend of mine apologised for how disheartened she was for the state of the society we were running. She regretted to despair and did not mind that I do not wish to run a second term. I did not seem to remember this event but this is much more vivid to me now. I wished I can turn back time and be a pillar for my friend.

One can't judge his own actions except when its history. In future, one will become wiser and objective, where tiredness and misunderstanding were forgotten, then we see if we would like to celebrate or regret our choices.

Let this be a reminder for me, that what I do now, I shall judge my own actions in 10 years time, whether I have done the right things. For my actions, which becomes my memories, made me up, and on death bed, I shall look back and see what kind of person I am.

A reverse ideology to LKY

"When you have a problem in the mirror you do not fix the mirror, you fix that which is reflected in the mirror," Vint Cerf, Google's net evangelist and a founding father of the network. Comments made in relation to whether the net should be regulated because of mis-uses.

I just commented about Lee Kuan Yew's comments on changing a country's behavior to suit a first world one, which may account as building a cultural infrastructure. Vint Cerf's argument, on the other hand, may constitute another, more tolerant perspective that any mis-behavior in our society should be seen and solved at its roots rather than on the surface. E.g. the objection of Singapore's government to any demonstrations at IMF held in Singapore. The European leaders wanted the demonstration to see what are the problems. Singapore government wanted order and peace regardless of their concerns.

These are two distinctive ways of solving the same problem. And what is ideologically putting Singapore at odds with some western countries. I am not sure which is better. But its fruits for thoughts for now.

Tribute to LKY

Excerpt from New York Times. Interview with Lee Kuan Yew:

Asked whether, looking back, he felt he might have gone too far in crushing his opponents, sometimes with ruinous lawsuits, sometimes with long jail terms, he answered: “No, I don’t think so. I never killed them. I never destroyed them. Politically, they destroyed themselves.”

Singapore’s secret, Mr. Lee said, is that it is “ideology free.” It possesses an unsentimental pragmatism that infuses the workings of the country as if it were in itself an ideology, he said. When considering an approach to an issue, he says, the question is: “Does it work? Let’s try it, and if it does work, fine, let’s continue it. If it doesn’t work, toss it out, try another one.”

“We built up the infrastructure,” he said. “The difficult part was getting the people to change their habits so that they behaved more like first-world citizens, not like third-world citizens spitting and littering all over the place.”

Its sometimes hard to misunderstood a wise man. And LKY looks like one of them. When you hear these from his mouth, his ideology sounds like far reaching at meta-perspective. I like the 'ideology free' ideology and changing the cultural infrastructure thing. These are problematic though and take an very ambitious man to even try. 'Ideology free' ideology does not pin point a common standpoint and does not encourage common identity. And changing culture is difficult. But this man tried.

Sometimes, and I think many Singaporean did, is to avoid taking our dislike of the country on this man. He's smart and he brought us here in his dream. Still, many things lie in our own hands. We still have to deal with difficult people who are put at the helms of important institutions in our country. LKY does not really control everything. Something he has to leave to his men to do, and trust them to do it.

I think many talented men were frustrated in not being able to release all their potential -- a by product of a heavily regulated state with a low appetite for risk. We cannot blame LKY for this as I thought he understand this with his perspective on cultural infrastructure. And he's trying to change it. But a pat on a back of an old man. We sometimes decides on own path based on many factors. Not to say the least, Singapore is a great place but may not be for everyone.

Risk aversion

5 years ago, a french scientist told me the problem with Singapore is not creativity, but risk aversiveness. It rings true, but I haven't seen it with my own eyes. Today, I gave him a thumbs up. More if you so like but I only have two.

1. I met a local university professor who told me making a proposal would take 3 weeks of solid 8 hours/day filling in forms that ask about everything. That is about $10k include overhead I believe.

2. Nobody encourages me on my PhD, except those from my profession and those who knows my future professor. Everyone is skeptical. Same question asked, "Why do you want to study more? Do you like to study? How about your house? How about your kids? How about your wife?" To parents, I have to use the money terms (how much is the funding worth) to convince them its good investment. I have a different explanation for everyone.

3. No companies seem to like consultants. But everyone like training. The former seem expensive and latter seem economical. I am not sure but I think the latter is much slower. I even know of a company which trains its guys for one year before they actually start doing anything productive.

4. Very few new things appear in Singapore. Even Creative copied its MP3 player from Apple, which is not too Creative. I haven't seen anything new. Even my father ask me to go to the states and see what can I learn and bring back to sell.

5. Almost everyone freaked out when I wanted to paint my dining room red. It turns out to be fantastico.

6. Lastly, almost everyone travels on guided tour in China. I am glad my wife didn't freak out when we went Yun Nan on our own. We saw a glacier.

I like freedom to risk, on good calculations. I think we either gain more or learn more then walking on sure paths. Often, its ourselves which we begin to know more: our short comings, limitations, and potentials. It makes us who we are.

Who I owe it to? Singapore or states?

Some days, you felt a surge of feelings which you wish to write down and share with others. I guess this is one of these days.

I am leaving Singapore soon. For the second time. First time, I applied to an internship position, and surprisingly, got it. I was 1 out of the 10. Now, I was accepted to a PhD program, again was my only application. So life seems driving me somewhere.

Looking back (to Singapore), and back again (to the states), they are two different worlds. I like some of the former and some of the latter. Singapore, there are kind people, few (visible) social problems, stability, and lots of jobs. US, there are good opportunities, daringness, people who sees your potential, great colleagues, and excellent companies.

I love Singapore, but frankly, I felt I owe it to the states. Singapore educated me under a harsh and competitive system. I almost became who I was not. I always love psychology and society. But I was molded into an engineer. My Swedish professor and the states gave me the opportunity to do what I do best. The educational investment I received from the states combined to almost what my house is worth.

I am very grateful to everyone who has given me the freedom and opportunities to create and make a difference to my life. Similarly, my greatest happiness is to receive and in turn pay back to the society. To be accepted and able to contribute to the society is what I believe to be one of the happiness in human life.