Singaporean's Culture

Whenever we saw some ang moh's historical artifacts, they make us wonder if we have a culture? Maybe Singlish, we say, which is half dampen by the government's eagerness for us to speak like Americans. Our government says chicken rice is our culture, but we think its more like one of our favorite food.

It takes us a while to realize how different we are. When we come to weekend we think that our life is so dull and boring. There is nothing much to do other than shopping, eating, and movies. But when a Singaporean come to America, you know what is boring, without shopping, eating, and few movie goers. Of which the former two are much higher rated by a true blood Singaporean. Shopping, our favorite past time! But come to an American mall, you wonder why is it open air? Why is it so cold outside and there is no building to keep you warm? Where are the cute cute shops where you can catch an ornament for a few dollars? And why are shop so spaced that you find it so tiring to walk? Hey, and where is the electronics for the weary men? Where is the food court that keep you going?

Talking about food, my hypothesis is that evolution of many ang mohs, other than french and italians perhaps, has effects on their taste bud. Look at the customers of any restaurant, if you do not see any Chinese, its a sign equivalent to danger. Enter at high risk! If there are some Chinese, well a warning. If its all Chinese and almost full, its green light! No wonder we seek refuge in Pho 99 where its mostly Chinese, and some ang mohs with better taste. You may also try the Americanized Chinese food which you will see general Sao Chicken, Kun Pao Chicken, and orange chicken. You wonder who is General Sao or Kun Pao? And why there are only chicken? Oh there is beef, which by the way many of us do not eat. No wonder some ang mohs think Chinese food are boring.

Some of us make very good friends with the TV. So maybe we can watch the TV, which hollywood makes lots of money from. There are 60 channels, which you will probably stick to 5, and the rests you don't sense what they are showing. You are watching an old 90s action show, and then in 5 mins, its commercial. Maybe you are just unlucky, so you flip channels until commercial is over, 5 mins later, another commercial. You wonder where is HBO. You checked, and oh, you need to pay more money. So much about the great American shows. You ended up watching Discovery, National geographic channels, and if you lucky, maybe can find one Asian movie.

You made friends with some ang mohs and you went out dinner with them. But you do not know why they are talking about things you do, where to go, future plans, and work. You wanted to tell them that you didn't do anything and like to idle. You wanted to say you have no future plans and what will be will be. You wanted to ask if their food taste better. But on second thought, that may make you feel stupid. So you try to conjure something interesting or what they may like to hear. But eventually, you can't do it anymore and slide into the background and focus on the food. Its bad, and you wonder again if they are eating something better.

At night, you were driving on a stretch of main road onto a highway and it went dark at a turn. You wonder why there wasn't street light. You slow down. Then comes 2 oncoming vehicles that blind your sight. You kept to the right curb guiding you through while speeding up to the highway speed. Then you realized, everyone is on high beams!

You attended a class, and the lecturer was talking about social subject. 15 minutes into the lecture, he starts flashing recent news and ask for opinion, this went on for 10 minutes, 20 minutes, and half an hour. You wonder what is he trying to teach. You wonder if there is a syllabus. You wonder why is he here when he only wants your opinion? Why don't you teach?

At the end of the year, you were graded average for participation. You studied hard, and for long hours. You try your best in writing the assignments. You hand them on time. You come to lecture on time. But you were silent in class. You were here to listen, and you hardly catch their accent. You wonder why Americans like to talk, and like people who talk? It doesn't matter what they talk about, but just talk.

On second thoughts, I still like the things we cook, I like to go to hawker center wondering what I should eat, I like to shop after I eat even if I do not know what I want to buy, I shop and look at people who do and have fun doing so, I don't watch TV that much but its interesting to look at what people are watching, I like to drive in brightened streets and not to blind other drivers, I like to listen and learn from others than to pollute the environment, and work hard but prefers other to see and not for myself to say. Maybe we are too humble, maybe we are too critical to ourselves, but who says we have no culture?

US Army detain Pulitzer Prize Winner for Undeclared 'insurgency' charges

According to BBC news:

The Pentagon says additional evidence has come to light proving Bilal Hussein is a "terrorist media operative" who infiltrated the news agency.

US officials say he had previously aroused suspicion because he was often at the scene of insurgent attacks as they occurred.

He did not disclose what the new evidence is.

"Whenever we ask to see what's so convincing we get back something that isn't convincing at all," said AP's lawyer Dave Tomlin.

Calls for his release have been backed by press freedom groups such as the Committee to Protect Journalists.

Is the US loosing 'it'?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/7103239.stm

Overclocking nVidia 8600GT

I just completed days of marking. To be frank, 3 more 1500words papers before I am done. But I am DONE with markings. Today is one full day without compulsory classes or meetings. So I am going to overclock my new system. Treating it as an experience, I am going forward with afterburning my $100 card rather than a $225 one.

Overclocking is considered prettty 'hardcore' for gaming. I used (something like 15 years ago) to see friends doing it by modifying the internal clock speed and its pretty scary. Today there are lots of utilities to help you and it looks more manageable.

I go for websites recommending utility and found – Rivatuner. Can I trust the post? I am not sure. But I see the same utility recommended by another post, which is enough to tell me that – even if its not the best, at least it works.

Following the guide on 3Dguru, its pictorial guide and detailed step by step instructions make it easy to follow. First is to setup some fan speed launcher. I do not know why but it must have to do with the heat produced in overclocking? Next is to overclock the chip. There are two clear parameters: memory frequency and core frequency. I am not sure which is the 1000?Hz referring to. But what will be will be.

The pdf that accompanied XFX 8600GT suggested overclocking memory first, at 5?Hz at a time. 3Dguru did not mention, but showed an example of overclocking to what other users have achieved. I followed the pdf’s approach. It looks safer.

I did, but did not. I followed the incremental approach, but not 5?Hz at a time. More like 10-20, larger at the beginning, and smaller after a hundred or so. But 3dguru and pdf suggest having a video benchmarking utility will be nice. I downloaded something which I conveniently found – Video Card Stability Test (VCST).

Now I am able to start the process of overclocking. I raise the memory frequency gradually, while I am tempted to do both at the same time. I can probably raise a bit without getting near ‘instability?’ I raise the core frequency by 30 as well. But that’s it. I continue to focus on memory clock.

VCST suggested stress testing between 10-30 mins. But if I am going to do it at 5?Hz at a time, its going to take forever. Benchmarking only takes 3 mins. So I did that instead of running test (Start) at every change.

My system finally ‘hangs’ at memory clock of 969. I was a bit freaked. But reset the system ‘logically.’ It was fine. It restarted as per normal and reset to default clock speed. So I use the previous stable clock speed of 951 and ran the stress test (Start) for slightly more than 10 mins.

Next, I did the same for Core clock speed. It hangs at 73?. I restarted the system at set the Core clock at 721. Then I ran a stress test for 20+ minutes. Every works fine for the 20+ minutes.

End results: Core 721, Memory 951.

I am still testing the system by running the stress test for several hours.

Rig:
MB GIGABYTE GA-P35-DS3L P35+ICH9
XFX PVT84JUDD3 8600GT 256MB
CPU INTEL|C2D E6550 2.33G 65N 4M
MEM 1Gx2|KST DII667 KVR667D2K2/2GR

Big fat and short american car

Something about cars in America is... they are big! Not all the cars. But there are more big cars than what I see in any part of Asia. I heard the same comments from some Europeans too.

Its not a pleasant experience to park beside such big cars. They take up a lot of space in the parking lots, just like when someone take up the whole sit on a bus. When you part in, you have to pay a lot of unnecessary attention to them. Even if you park as per normal, you may find that you door can touch their fat body while within an inch of comfortably open.

On the highway, I also notice that two types of cars will not give way to you. One is the sporty cars which is very short. Two is the big fat cars.

This is the part of the culture which is strange. The short cars are so that its difficult to get into them. You have to bend your body and try to enter the seats, which is not enough. You then have to bend your knees as well. And if you are not careful, your head has likelihood of knocking against the door frame, which is your head is danger, not the door frame. And they are almost short enough to tempt you to walk all over them. They are not of the right proportion. The big fat cars are over sized for a lot of parking lots. They also drink fuel for pleasure. Which is not a proper behavior of cars. Cars are meant to bring you around, not to get themselves drunk when you are not looking. If your chauffeur is like that. You would have gotten him fired.

So I hope relevant people who are reading this would contemplate on the words if you own either a short or big fat car!

Settling down now: what it means to our past and future

Good life always lie ahead of time. This also means life right NOW is always not so good. But the future is simply a manifestation of our mind. Sometimes, we are right predicting, sometimes not. NOW is the real thing we are experiencing right now. Therefore, to think that if I do this and that, good life will lie ahead, itself its a bad logic.

Good life is NOW! is perhaps the best attitude that we can take. No matter if we are broke or abandoned or faced scrutiny. We should live and enjoy the present moment. Enjoying our own suffering? Where do suffering begins and where did it ends?

Not to take things so hard, not to see anything as absolute, see the change in every moment, and appreciate any results. Life is just about change. Sometimes we lost money, sometimes we pick up a note in the street. Sometimes we make enemies, sometimes we make friends. What is important is when we look back, we see and experience every moment and we WERE there. Not to be lost in depression or losing the sense of happiness and who we are. We were there to face the joy and punishments, and the love and hate.

Sometimes, people taught us that if we follow the way, we will be happy. We will make no mistakes, no enemies, and no bad karma. But this is false. If we follow the way, we will do what is best for everyone at every moment. Sometimes we still make mistakes, enemies, and bad karma. But we face the music happily, as we know what we are doing, and we knowingly commit an act under the conditions we are given.

State of politics in China- from perspectives of elementary kids

3 school kids compete to be class representative. Instead of running for the good, they ran for power. Instead of arguing fairly, they resort to dirty tricks to destroy their competitors. It was surprising to see this in kids, I guess especially from a Westerner's eye. I myself had not thought of Chinese politics in this manner.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7030725.stm

This shows how much culture can change the way an organization works. Also, it shows how things can turn out badly if one type of organizational processes, e.g. democracy, is copied in a different cultural environment without scrutiny. I think every cultural environment has a way to select the best course of actions and balancing power between different social groups. We need to see how that happens before we can truly say if demoncracy or other types of government is good for the country.

Beautiful music, beautiful minds.

There is something about people in the likes of Kevin Kern or Picasso. They produce beautiful images and sound, and allow us to enjoy them. But have you wondered, where do these images and sound originate?

We cannot by admire the minds of these people. Who is able to compose a set of sensory objects into something which our own minds can perceive and capture. They tell us our how themselves have felt in certain contexts. If a picture tells a thousand words, painting and songs spoke of millions.

In order to compose such beautiful images, we cannot but believe that the composers have heard or seen them before. Before their existence, in their own beautiful minds.

Coping with change

Our views change over time. And mine surely is. And at time, it changes from one to another and back again.

When I was an undergrad and grad school, I used to think its not important to plan very far, just adapt with changing time and conditions. It does work and my life is very good.

When I was working, I learnt to think and plan carefully, day by day, month by month, and year by year. Its stressful. But it works too. Then I believe in planning. That one needs to consider to the maximum available information.

Now, I am back to grad school. I was reading a paper that talks about the uncertainty of the future, and goals change across time. While it maybe goal A when we started, it may be goal B when it ended. And at times, we do goalless things, e.g. listening to music. I remember Alexandra the Great, and Sun Pin (a great military strategist of warring period, China): they do not plan their battles, until the very moment where information arrives, and at times this means right before the battle drums. This is because opportunities present itself, at times, very late into the scenario. Information decays and alter. When we make decisions, we have to live in the present moment.

I am quite inspired by these discoveries. And I think I now have something to fall back on, and reconcile both Buddhism and my life experience.

A bomb?

My door bell rings. I open the door, and a flight of hurried foot steps took off down the stairs. A small, tightly packed parcel was left on the floor. The man was running away.

A bomb?


No... its my power converter. :p As I examine the box, a FedEx truck can be seen reversing and turning out of the drive way.

Iran vs US

From BBC:

Mr Ahmadinejad was invited to Columbia University to address its students at the university's World Leaders Forum.

He received a hostile welcome from Mr Bollinger, who described the Iranian leader as "a petty and cruel dictator".

"You are either brazenly provocative or astonishingly uneducated," Mr Bollinger told Mr Ahmadinejad, referring to his denial of the Holocaust.

In response, Mr Ahmadinejad said that Mr Bollinger's remarks were "an insult to information and the knowledge of the audience".

Addressing the Holocaust issue, Mr Ahmadinejad said he simply wanted more research to be done.

He also said the issue was abused by Israel to justify what he said was its mistreatment of the Palestinians.

"Why is it that the Palestinian people are paying the price for an event they had nothing to do with?" Mr Ahmadinejad asked.

Its very sad to see two countries (or cultures) fighting like this. First, Bollinger and Ahmadinejad are speaking of different contexts. Former of the past, that the Jews suffered the most and should be pitied. The latter speaks of now, that palestinians suffered under Jewish rule and should be pitied. Picking the subject of Jews or Palestinian without picking the time makes the debate impossible.

Second, Bollinger looks like a 'little' man. While righteous, totally missed the big picture. Every country has its laws and tolerance and all should respect each other. Without respect, wars such as Iraq invasion happens. But these days, as in the past, guns speak louder than words. On the other hand, Ahmadinejad answered like a gentleman.

Frankly, Iran were enemies of US and media is US's weapon of mass destruction. One wonders why is there no report of Iraqi life in Iraq or Palestinian's situation in west bank? All bombs were dropped on it enemies so precisely destructive.

In all, both sides can be faulted on some degree. But the weight is clearly all loaded on one.

Sweet Singapore's Dream

http://www.colinandyenyen.com/wordpress/paved-with-good-intentions/

Processing as individuals vs processing as a unit

In Singapore, we often see IT dept email as support@xyz.com. In US, esp organizations, we can see names, e.g. michael@abc.com. We will miss the picture if we think its interesting. In Singapore, probably in most Asian countries, individuals fade off and function as a unit, represented by their leader, who don't do the work. In US, each individual play a role, and become part of the work system.

Therefore, in organizations in Singapore, when you need something, you often visit a unit, and be served by someone, who probably follow a protocol, and process your needs. In US, you are asked to look for a person, then follow by another, then another. Sometimes, you know someone process your travels, but she could be your administrator. If she's on leave, you are left with little or no help.

I wouldn't say which is better. But Singapore is a manufacturing world, and US is the information world. Working as a unit, there is culture and rules. People work within a system to do what they are assigned to. In typical orders, they can be very efficient. One can take over another easily. Working as an individual, one become very specialized. One can build depth. One can create opportunities by exercising creativity. This leads to more permutation and possibilities. As a unit, one can hardly maneuver.

But in US, you can get a lot of frustration with the type of service you obtain. Sometimes, you just couldn't find a person, or encounter one who stick by rules like vine. That person, because there is no one else, can become a bottleneck. But I think overall, there are more people with energy and brilliant ideas, and also receive others the same -- with an open heart.

The social side of us

I bought a new Nokia charger. I couldn't find mine when I arrives. I guess its in one of my DHL package. Til now, that package is still being held by US custom. So much for express delivery!

When I arrive, I was quite panicky as I was going to be unplugged from both the Internet and phone. To tell you the truth, its quite scary. We can find a lot of information online, and without it, out life function at less than half the speed. Without the phone, you cannot be found by others. You do not get the choice, and do not know what others might need from you. You may be ignored.

Other than the productivity side of us, I think there is also a social side of us. I remember a Tibetan tour guide who is quite well to do as his household owns 20 Yaks (which is about 10k/yak). But he thinks his family is outdated, and he wanted to work in the city. He thinks economic development is good. He wanted to be part of them.

To me, the thought of being forgotten can be unnerving. Forgotten and dissappear in this faceless world? where you see your friends on msn, sms, and emails most of the time. Actual face to face is so rare, especially when you work at home. Plugging into the world may be the only world to show that we exist.

My second day in Irvine

I finally has some mental space to do creative work such as blogging. Just yesterday, everything was frantic.

This is my second day in Irvine. Actually barely 25 hours. I arrived at 325pm at the housing office, where I need to check in my apt. Before that, I need to pay for the rent at the cashier. I was told that cashier closed at 330pm! I have 5 mins to 'run' a long way! The kind reception gave the cashiers a call and I started running.

Actually I probably read that 330pm thing somewhere. But that's the only timing for my flight. I probably kept my finger crossed when I need to make a decision whether to stay over in LA for one night or head to UCI from airport.

I ran the wrong way! I asked someone again and he gave me a direction. And again, its the wrong way! It takes another runner who lives at Palo too to tell me the way. I arrived at 345pm, dejected and planning to stay at a nearby hotel for the night.

Actually a lot of things went through my mind. "Can I get an exception and pay tomorrow?" "Why don't they build more road signs so that I can follow the map better?" Talking about following the law, often time Americans are stricter than Singapore. But its different environment. While they follow laws, kind folks lend their hands by going the extra miles.

The office is closed, but another kind lady waited for me after the call. I paid in cash and got the papers done. I got the apartment keys. I finally got to open the door about 5-530pm. There are two pieces of USPS failed shipment leaflets outside the door. My electronics probably couldn't arrive on time. The apartment is empty but looks ok. Carpet flooring as the norm in US, and room is pretty cool. One room is totally west facing so felt quite hot at this time.

I checked through quickly to look for damages. The old blinds have pieces fallen off. But its ok. ...But there is no lights in the bedrooms!

Another US 'feature,' no lights in the bedrooms. This also happens at the last place I rented. It didn't have much impression on me as someone already helped me found a table lamp. Now then I remember that guy!

I looked into my luggage for power supply to my laptops, cellphones, and wireless router. I couldn't find my power supply adapter. Singapore uses 3-pin rect plug. US uses 2 flat pins. Without power, I will be ex-communicated in 3 hours (when my batt die).

Now I am in an interesting situation. Phone and laptops potentially out of batt tomorrow. I will need adapter soon. But my adapters are in my failed shipment, which I will need to make phone calls to rearrange. My cellphone is Singapore registered and bills will be astronomical. So I can only make the call from housing office, if they lend it to me. I can get new adapters, which nobody sells in the vicinity. I can buy online, which I need my laptop.

I tried calling with my cellphone but the person puts my on hold for so long that I have to give up. I finally call my wife in the middle of the night to help me call from Singapore, which is way cheaper than I call from US. They finally agreed to deliver the next day.

I need to buy or rent furniture too, which Corts have catalogs online. But they need a phone number to contact me. They also charges $250 for delivery of a bed. I cannot go and buy a car now as I require a driving license and social security number. To get a driving license I need to read up the highway code online and do a test. To obtain social security number I need papers from the school. These problems go in circles.

Then I remembered my Master thesis on communication and mobility, which enables all other activities. So true. I am facing potential breakdown in communication which everything will die off. I have limited mobility in US as I cannot buy a car so soon.

I am so happy later today to find a shopping district beside the campus. It has T-Mobile and Sprint, althought Sprint is closed. I got a T-Mobile prepaid, which is such a relive. I chatted with the assistants, whom from nowhere took out a power adapter converter for me! It was such a pleasant surprise! My life got empowered again!

What happen next? I felt like writing my blog!

When not helping is helping.

In life, we have a lot of chance to offer our hand, our time, and our expertise, so that conditions may be improved. But so often, we may be unconsciously making condition worse, rather than what it seems to be.

A group of friends and I organize meditation classes. Target audience are usually Buddhists. These classes used to be free, as Buddhism had been, for the past hundred of years, a religion of the lower class. (It was higher class during Han and Tang Dynasty.) As a result, activities are usually free or staff with volunteers to make up the low income. As this becomes a tradition, Buddhists organizations in Singapore are often found in the poorer parts of Singapore, eg next to the red light districts, in warehouses, and older shopping malls. Also courses are usually free or next to it. We tried conducting $30 camps before and were told off to be uncompassionate. Not to mention our $200 course...

I chanced upon a startup company, who needs expertise in user experience. They told me they are low on budget. A normal study would have cost in the excess of $20k+. As I wanted to make a point that small companies can also benefit, I made an offer of $5k. They were slow on reply and when they return to me, they indicated that they need to lower their budget. So I looked at my schedule and thought there are some free slots. So I ask for a complimentary amount of $1k. They never got back to me until months later, when I was overwhelmed with work...

Sometimes I wonder what we could have done different. Singapore is already an affluent society and people can afford things. $200 courses seem expensive relatively but people are earning in the excess of $2k/mth. It should be cheap considering that a meditation teacher need 10-20 years of training. Besides, free courses are not substainable. Only large monasteries with large prayer groups can generate enough incomes to substain education. If we stop giving free courses, people will stop attending them. But maybe for the start. How about for 3 months, 6 months, and one year? Sooner or later, people who are really keen will come forth, and influence the rests. Then, the culture and perception will change.

I prefer to help the startup as they are really in need. There is no funding, and they can benefit from the work. Too bad that, perhaps they were skeptical of my intention, they were slow to react. Or they were really busy and not ready for help.

The point is that for what I do, I always look for to create a substainable ecology. Where both giver and receiver can substain their activities. I believe neither in free lunches nor over priced services. Give what you can for what you receive. Perhaps the giver can give more people as a result. More people can also receive a goodwill. The market 'price' you set for a service will also support a more vibrant community to appear. As the saying goes "Teach a man to fish, rather than giving him a fish, if he's not that hungry."

World demanding US pull out from Iraq

Top countries demanding US pull out immediately:
Mexico, Russia, Turkey, Indonesia, and Eygpt

Countries preferring a gradual pull out over a year:
US, UK, Australia, and South Korea

The statistics look interesting. Countries with troops actually prefers a gradual pull out, comparing to those without troops. One begins to wonder: Why do countries with troop prefers to spend more time and money in a foreign nation, rather than just get away and done with, preserving resources and lives?

Pulling out certainly means more resource commitment. But what are the benefits? I can't tell but I guess it may have to do with national dignity?

See statistics:
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44100000/gif/_44100088_us_forces416x300.gif

Memories made up a person

I was looking at cards that I received for the past 15 years. You don't get these things anymore, as everything is digitized over the past 10 years.

Just before I start reading, I did not realize I have left so much behind me, friends from my secondary school, friends I have helped, friends that have helped me, favors owned and forgotten, poor feelings toward another human beings ...

I saw an old note (1996) written by a GP teacher to me. In the note, she apologized for writing late as she was busy. Her son was more active now and her sister contracted cancer. And being in a big family, she had more responsibilities. I did not understand the note then, but I do now. I wished to find her, but we had lost contact. All she left in the Internet is a directory in NUS law school.

Another friend of mine apologised for how disheartened she was for the state of the society we were running. She regretted to despair and did not mind that I do not wish to run a second term. I did not seem to remember this event but this is much more vivid to me now. I wished I can turn back time and be a pillar for my friend.

One can't judge his own actions except when its history. In future, one will become wiser and objective, where tiredness and misunderstanding were forgotten, then we see if we would like to celebrate or regret our choices.

Let this be a reminder for me, that what I do now, I shall judge my own actions in 10 years time, whether I have done the right things. For my actions, which becomes my memories, made me up, and on death bed, I shall look back and see what kind of person I am.

A reverse ideology to LKY

"When you have a problem in the mirror you do not fix the mirror, you fix that which is reflected in the mirror," Vint Cerf, Google's net evangelist and a founding father of the network. Comments made in relation to whether the net should be regulated because of mis-uses.

I just commented about Lee Kuan Yew's comments on changing a country's behavior to suit a first world one, which may account as building a cultural infrastructure. Vint Cerf's argument, on the other hand, may constitute another, more tolerant perspective that any mis-behavior in our society should be seen and solved at its roots rather than on the surface. E.g. the objection of Singapore's government to any demonstrations at IMF held in Singapore. The European leaders wanted the demonstration to see what are the problems. Singapore government wanted order and peace regardless of their concerns.

These are two distinctive ways of solving the same problem. And what is ideologically putting Singapore at odds with some western countries. I am not sure which is better. But its fruits for thoughts for now.

Tribute to LKY

Excerpt from New York Times. Interview with Lee Kuan Yew:

Asked whether, looking back, he felt he might have gone too far in crushing his opponents, sometimes with ruinous lawsuits, sometimes with long jail terms, he answered: “No, I don’t think so. I never killed them. I never destroyed them. Politically, they destroyed themselves.”

Singapore’s secret, Mr. Lee said, is that it is “ideology free.” It possesses an unsentimental pragmatism that infuses the workings of the country as if it were in itself an ideology, he said. When considering an approach to an issue, he says, the question is: “Does it work? Let’s try it, and if it does work, fine, let’s continue it. If it doesn’t work, toss it out, try another one.”

“We built up the infrastructure,” he said. “The difficult part was getting the people to change their habits so that they behaved more like first-world citizens, not like third-world citizens spitting and littering all over the place.”

Its sometimes hard to misunderstood a wise man. And LKY looks like one of them. When you hear these from his mouth, his ideology sounds like far reaching at meta-perspective. I like the 'ideology free' ideology and changing the cultural infrastructure thing. These are problematic though and take an very ambitious man to even try. 'Ideology free' ideology does not pin point a common standpoint and does not encourage common identity. And changing culture is difficult. But this man tried.

Sometimes, and I think many Singaporean did, is to avoid taking our dislike of the country on this man. He's smart and he brought us here in his dream. Still, many things lie in our own hands. We still have to deal with difficult people who are put at the helms of important institutions in our country. LKY does not really control everything. Something he has to leave to his men to do, and trust them to do it.

I think many talented men were frustrated in not being able to release all their potential -- a by product of a heavily regulated state with a low appetite for risk. We cannot blame LKY for this as I thought he understand this with his perspective on cultural infrastructure. And he's trying to change it. But a pat on a back of an old man. We sometimes decides on own path based on many factors. Not to say the least, Singapore is a great place but may not be for everyone.

Risk aversion

5 years ago, a french scientist told me the problem with Singapore is not creativity, but risk aversiveness. It rings true, but I haven't seen it with my own eyes. Today, I gave him a thumbs up. More if you so like but I only have two.

1. I met a local university professor who told me making a proposal would take 3 weeks of solid 8 hours/day filling in forms that ask about everything. That is about $10k include overhead I believe.

2. Nobody encourages me on my PhD, except those from my profession and those who knows my future professor. Everyone is skeptical. Same question asked, "Why do you want to study more? Do you like to study? How about your house? How about your kids? How about your wife?" To parents, I have to use the money terms (how much is the funding worth) to convince them its good investment. I have a different explanation for everyone.

3. No companies seem to like consultants. But everyone like training. The former seem expensive and latter seem economical. I am not sure but I think the latter is much slower. I even know of a company which trains its guys for one year before they actually start doing anything productive.

4. Very few new things appear in Singapore. Even Creative copied its MP3 player from Apple, which is not too Creative. I haven't seen anything new. Even my father ask me to go to the states and see what can I learn and bring back to sell.

5. Almost everyone freaked out when I wanted to paint my dining room red. It turns out to be fantastico.

6. Lastly, almost everyone travels on guided tour in China. I am glad my wife didn't freak out when we went Yun Nan on our own. We saw a glacier.

I like freedom to risk, on good calculations. I think we either gain more or learn more then walking on sure paths. Often, its ourselves which we begin to know more: our short comings, limitations, and potentials. It makes us who we are.

Who I owe it to? Singapore or states?

Some days, you felt a surge of feelings which you wish to write down and share with others. I guess this is one of these days.

I am leaving Singapore soon. For the second time. First time, I applied to an internship position, and surprisingly, got it. I was 1 out of the 10. Now, I was accepted to a PhD program, again was my only application. So life seems driving me somewhere.

Looking back (to Singapore), and back again (to the states), they are two different worlds. I like some of the former and some of the latter. Singapore, there are kind people, few (visible) social problems, stability, and lots of jobs. US, there are good opportunities, daringness, people who sees your potential, great colleagues, and excellent companies.

I love Singapore, but frankly, I felt I owe it to the states. Singapore educated me under a harsh and competitive system. I almost became who I was not. I always love psychology and society. But I was molded into an engineer. My Swedish professor and the states gave me the opportunity to do what I do best. The educational investment I received from the states combined to almost what my house is worth.

I am very grateful to everyone who has given me the freedom and opportunities to create and make a difference to my life. Similarly, my greatest happiness is to receive and in turn pay back to the society. To be accepted and able to contribute to the society is what I believe to be one of the happiness in human life.

Army Daze

One week of 'National Service' is enough to bring back bad memories to put out any little good feelings for this small country. Poor organization, preparation, planning, early mornings, late book outs, sitting and doing nothing with no orders, and foolish things to sew are some of the unnecessaries. Really wonder what's wrong with the organization.

Test week

Sometimes, all important things happen in the same week:

1. Physical fitness test (not so important, but my second time anyway)
2. Business presentation
3. Driving test (not so important but I spent quite a bit money in it)
4. Birthday

I called it Exam Week. But nice to end off with a birthday.

Lessons from Tibet

"Communists have done some good. At least we now have roads. Some years ago, there is no road in these mountains."

"But it once was good for cultivation. No?"

"We often blame our poverty on these mountains and rivers. But we know that city dwellers are stressful so they like it here. But we wanted to go to the cities."

"Are you happy?"

"Here in Tibet, if you are poor, nobody says you are poor. When you are rich, nobody says you are rich. We are just like ourselves."

"There's no stress here."

"Yes."

Glaciers, Yak, Misty mountains, and 2 KG of fats

I returned from Yun Nan. More specifically Kun Ming, Lijiang, and ShangriLa (Xiang Ge Li La). It was more of an ethnic, cultural experience than a sight seeing one. Even lesser element of shopping and eating (food is yucks).

Kun Ming is almost ran by the common Chinese. Those driving the economic engine with rigorous energy for wealth and a kinship built with concrete. Construction is everywhere and drivers and hawkers is sharp with the appearance of tourists. Most of the tourists are internal, from the richer cities like Shanghai. But people of inland areas should take most opportunity while they are here. To get a pie of the richness generated at the coastal.

Lijiang is a fushion. There are more minorities. But I am surprised that the town is ran by tourists like myself. Its a tourist town, a shopping mall, built on the foundation of well thought of city planning when it was built 700 years ago. One main river of Yangtse split into 3, then 9, then 27, then numerous smaller streams supply the whole town. The streams, however, is now somewhat polluted with tourists junks. Locals quickly pick them up as soon as they see them. But you can see that they have to do it quite frequently to keep the town clean.

At ShangriLa, we heard from the tour guide that they are not so fortunate to receive millions of dollars of grant from the government to build a tourist attraction, as such much of what they used to have remains. Nonetheless, I have the most of the good time there. We went on a local tour which lasted four days for 500 rmb, about 100 sgd. Pretty good. Most of the trails are mountainous, so its was quite a tedious journey. Nonetheless, the sceneries are fantastic, and mountains look endless. Almost about 50-100m is a turn as the mini bus drove through the winding road.

I do not appreciate the old towns. These are money generating machines sucking tourist dollars. Away in the Tibetan temples are quieter and more like ShangriLa. We also went to stay at Fei Lai Si ('Fly to Come' Temple). It has the most direct view of the Mei Li Snow Mountain. Its has 13 peaks above 6000m. Clouds covered most of the peaks for the day. Yet, as night falls, clouds, mountains, with a back drop of blue sky makes the window view look almost like art.

We went to climb Mei Li Snow Mountain on the next day, from 2500m to 3500m. The trail is 8km long rising almost 1km. It was tough. I rarely pant like that. Nonetheless, after 2..5 hours, we made it to the glacier. It was the lowest glacier in the mountain, and it was the height of the trip. And it costs me two kg of body fat.

The glacier is huge, wider than any river I have yet seen. Ice get locked like rocks for a long time. It was summer, but the ice do not seem like giving way. Its tightly stubborn to show its magnificent. The glacier display right below our viewing platform to the top of the mountain, right above the clouds.

To live and die and over again

We live a life time, and die, and live again. At least, that's what who believes in reincarnation, says. Life time is seemingly a long time, or is it?

I found a job in Jan 2005, the company went relocated to cheaper countries, and was out of job in Aug 2005. That's the life time of my first job. And its only eight months! Life time is simply the length of an object arising, changing, and dying. We live many life times in while we breath. Enough for us to taste joy, sadness, happiness, regret, success, and failure, over and over again.

As such, reincarnation is never too far away. We experience it all the time, but whether we knew it, is another matter. And so, I had many reincarnations, one of which is the arising of one work related project and its death, arising of another and its death. So much that its enough to be numb to what its all about.

I guess when we work, we all started with a blind enthusiasm, that everything seem perfect, that we got a good job, and all seem working towards success. Then comes the politics, obstacles, people factors, and down goes the effort. Then it happens and again. And we think its a bad company. We quit and found a new job. And the new job doesn't seem better.

In life, many things is so. I guess that's why Buddhism says life is suffering. But through suffering we grow. But we must be willing to grow to take advantage and make suffering worth.

So I guess reincarnation is not a bad thing. Its the arising and decaying of concepts, objects, and our life. Through it we see interdependence, and we become wiser. We should be thankful that life changes and we can learn from it.

Sick of WoW

Sometimes I thought I can play WoW forever. However, you do get sick of the repetitive patterns in games. Grinding, leveling, twinking, and look for group. Especially the last one, which is ultra hard on my server. Until the whole 'second' life in WoW seemed like a script. I guess its the end for my WoW stint for a while.

If you can get sick of your life, how about a structured environment like games?

Why leaving Singapore?

In two months or so, I will be in some part of California, settling down and wait for my PhD to start in late Sept. Why do I want to leave Singapore now? That my career is kicking off, bought a house, and everything seem to be settling down? Its tough to fly to another country and settle there for a while. There are new people, new environment, and way of life to adapt to. USA is great, or so say many people who went over for holiday. Miss home its, for those who went for work. Great working environment it is, as far as I can tell from my one year stint in Minneapolis. Living environment is marked by serious wealth and poverty gap.

I like to see things from a long term perspectives. Decisions made by such is more sustainable. Giving the work environment within the research industry, its almost crippling for a serious researcher not to have a PhD. Say you just bought a house and is looking for a renovation contractor. You have not done it before and is not even sure what to look out for. Would you approach Uncle Lim who worked in this line for past 10 years, but doesn't speak English, have no shop front, couldn't produce a breakdown and quotation, and doesn't even know how much its going to cost. Or Sanders Design, who's boss is a well dressed yuppie, speaks excellent English, breaks down the cost nicely, although a bit pricey, and seem to have done a lot of work, and has a nice office with show room?

Customers who look to answer a research question, especially those not in the same field, look for PhDs and professors for advice. Consultants doesn't seem very popular in Singapore. I guess the number of freshouts working in prominent consulting companies have some impact. While I always say that when hiring a consultant, look at their resume, not the company they work for, it takes a trained eye to spot the difference.

What to do? As a Chinese saying goes, 'Ten years of window chill.' Now the hardwork to get some name, fame, and a little deeper in thoughts.

When do you know you have a family?

One day, Someone come and ask you, "Help me get XYZ," and you go "Eh..." but you do not know how to say no. No reasons are good enough and no excuses seem fitting without hurting this person somewhat. Then you know that is your family member.

--------------------
One day, Someone ask you to go for a dinner. You have some work to do, or maybe you would like to meet Someone else. But you cannot find excuses to turn down the dinner. Then you know this person is your family member.

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Someone told you that you should do XYZ for Sometwo. And Sometwo has given you XYZ before and so its time to repay. Although you know you didn't ask for XYZ when it was given to you, and you have to accept for politeness. You cannot say no. Then you know the both someone and Sometwo are your family members.

After another retreat

Meditation retreats are the best things I have found in life. Ever since I was conned to one, by a glibblish friend, I have never stopped in any year.

In a retreat, the mind meditates most of the time, except during sleep, which you have no control. There are sittings 30-40mins each. There are also yoga, walking, running, prostrating, dining, and personal time. While awake, a person is ever mindful of his actions. When a person tries to be mindful, that's when the strength of his random and uncontrollable thoughts stream becomes apparent. We are so used to thinking is some ways that we cannot stop the thoughts from moving in those directions. It takes approximately 3 days to calm down and let go of those before we can even start meditating in relative peace. In retreats the objective is to do deeper into mindfulness and to attempt deepening our wisdom.

This retreat was so timely. I try to meditate everyday. But truthfully, I had been combating thoughts for a long time. At times, I have forgotten the sound of breathing, feeling of the wind, and warmth of my body. Like Frodo in LOTR, he has forgotten all that is in the shire, and only the ring and him in darkness. Excessive work has similar effects as the ring.

Now, I have enough energy to redirect my life to the balance. Work-life hanging in the balance, each playing a part in spiritual development.

What will happen tomorrow?

Life, cold as the freezing fog. Where to go? What to find? Mystery awaits as we forge ahead.

Intelligent beings sometimes choose to stay. Moving ahead brings too much unknown. Bliss is what some claim as the resting place.

Seeing only a few feet ahead, the mover walks with anxious steps. At times, he wishes he will find a resting place.

Did China invent the '4 Great Inventions'?

Its hard to understand how they managed.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=454160&in_page_id=1770

China has earned a reputation for perfecting the faking of Western fashion, perfumes, DVDs and CDs to a fine art.

Now it would seem the country is capable of copying whole theme parks after a phoney Disneyland was exposed.

A banner over the entrance said, "Disney is too far, so please come to Shijingshan".

The park’s deputy general manager Yin Zhiqiang denied any copyrights were being breached.

"The characters in our park just look a little bit similar to theirs. But the faces, clothes, sizes and appearances are totally different," he added.

"The face of Disney’s Cinderella face is European, but ours is a Chinese. She looks like a young Chinese country girl."

Being a Chinese, although born in Singapore, I felt uneased by such irresponsibility.

Here's an attitude from a reader,

Surprisingly, or not surprising at all, this thing is state-owned.
So basically China is trying to say "We can copy whatever we want!" as a country.
I guess there is no concept of copyrights in China...

- Macfan, NY

Feet hurt?

Pedestrians in Singapore were crowned the world's fastest movers, walking 30 percent faster than they did in the early 1990s, and in China, the pace of pacing in Guangzhou has increased by more than 20 percent.
http://www.themoscowtimes.com/stories/2007/05/04/255.html

No wonder my feet blister and leg sometimes hurt after a day out.

Happiest things in life

Friday is a happy day. There is another happy thing, on top of spending time with someone you love. That's to have frozen durian, in an air-conditioned bedroom, with icy cold glass of water, classical music in the background, and with nothing else to think about. Talking about pure land, to me, this is one.

Free trials beware.

There are many 'Free Trials' today. Typically, they asked you to sign up for a 'free' service for two weeks to a month, asked you for your credit card number, which 'will not be charged.' But why would they want it if they are not using it?

Without knowing, you tried and dissatisfied, stopped using the service anymore. Time passes and you have forgotten about the application. Months later, a strange item appear in your credit card bill. You do not know what is it. Vendors sometimes have a different company names from their brand, and others use another vendor to handle internet payment. How would you know? You decided to pursue and make a search on the Internet, and there you go, found that 'free' service company charging you for something you do not want! Furthermore, they have everything on their website, except something on 'How to cancel.' No links, no number to call, no FAQ.

I just had this experience from Bluemountain.com. One month trial and a $10 bill. A while ago from Surveymonkey.com for a hefty $300 bill. Surveymonkey refunded my charges but I am not sure about Bluemountain. Not to mention my past experience with credit card companies, retail memberships, and online music and videos. My web host and virtual office always remind me before deduction, why can't others do the same?

How calm is calm?

In many movies, there is a scene where a female witness a fatal accident and a kin died. Someone inevitably come by her and says, "Calm down..."

Is that really the only instance we need to calm down? How calm is calm? A karaoke singer? An office worker? A pedestrian? A cook? An artist? Or tai chi practitioner? Or a meditator?

Intensity (or lightness) of calm is meaningless without evaluating its reasons. I have a Chinese calligraphy at home. The four words are 宁静致远. It means "A calm man sees far." I believed its a missing piece within the western philosophy, that calmness is an important value for a matured and useful man. A man running around not knowing what he's doing, has little value to the society, and can even bring harm. However, I cannot discuss about calmness anymore from western standpoint due to lack of references.

In Buddhist meditation, calmness is developed in order to see things with clarity. There is a description for the level of calm one ought to attain, but not beyond. For any calmer, one looses the ability to contemplate, but rather indulge in a long period of mindless bliss. Buddhists called it the 4th dyana (or concentration). At 4th dyana, the state of mind is known as equanimity. Meaning one is able to see things as equal without biases. Thus one see things as they are.

Seeing things as they are is one of the most valuable principle in our life. Seeing yourself terminated at your job, and seeing it as it is, you see that you are incompatible with that job or the colleagues, and you may even see it coming. You would take it easy and go off gracefully. Everyone will be happy. In fact, seeing things as it is, you may not even take up the job in the first place, and may have found your ideal job.

Developing calm should be a lifelong preoccupation. 4th dyana is for meditators only. Without the help of meditation, there would be no limit of calmness in our daily activity. You should be as calm as you can be.

Here comes another problem. Is calmness = inactivity? If so, we cannot exercise or work furiously in the midst of calm, yet we need to do these in different situation. So what shall we do? I do not intent to answer these questions here at this point. So this is for you to contemplate, calmly.

More on Minister's pay hike

The prime minister’s press secretary said Lee’s decision to freeze his salary was not a response to opposition to the salary hike.

“The fact is it was a decision taken up front even before the announcements of pay revision,” Chen Hwai Liang told AFP.

http://www.manilatimes.net/national/2007/apr/13/yehey/opinion/20070413opi6.html

'Decision taken up front even before the announcements of pay revision (was made)' sounds familiar. Didn't they say that when PAP increase the GST by 2% point after the election? Don't think 'wayward,' that is to cover our 'R&D expenses,' not for the salary increase.

both Senior Minister Goh Chok Tong and Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew who earned $2.7 million each last year, will now get paid $3.04 million each.
http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/269330/1/.html

I don't understand why Goh and Lee are still getting paid. Aren't they have stepped down? Freelancing from home?

A nation is judge by its Prowess versus Conduct, rather than just its Conduct.

The US is perceived by many as an international bully, a modern day imperial power. At this critical moment in history, Washington correspondent Justin Webb challenges that idea ... ...

"A pattern was emerging and has never seriously been altered. A pattern of willingness to condemn America for the tiniest indiscretion - or to magnify those indiscretions - while leaving the murderers, dictators, and thieves who run other nations oddly untouched." -- Washington correspondent Justin Webb comments citing the example of what his mom thought of Americahttp://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6547881.stm

I do not think I would agree with Justin. This argument stands at face value, but not when considering the effects of American prowess. I do not think his mom cites American as an outlaw has anything to do with whether America stood out as the worst of all 'murderers, dictators, and thieves.' Rather, it has to do with the proportion of Prowess versus Conduct. While there are worse 'murderers, dictators, and thieves,' they also have less prowess to influence the world. Many large countries can easily crash these rouges if they in fact act indiscriminately. An example is Afghanistan. However, America prowess if beyond any single nation to control. Its bad conduct in the recent years is certainly unsettling.

Singapore PM's salary stuns White House official

A senior White House official on Tuesday admitted he was floored by the news that Singapore's prime minister earned five times more than US President George W. Bush.

"I'm going to emigrate and run for office in Singapore," the official said on condition he be identified only as "a senior administration official who sits in disbelief after reading that story."

On Monday, the Singapore government had announced a fresh 25.5 percent pay hike for Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong, boosting his salary to 2.05 million dollars per year.

Bush gets paid 400,000 dollars per year for doing his job, according to the White House.

Combined with personal investment income, he and his wife Laura reported 618,694 dollars in taxable income in the 2005 fiscal year. They had to pay 187,768 dollars in federal taxes.

But maybe Bush shouldn't feel so bad. The Singaporean's paycheck is eight times fatter than Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe's.

http://www.france24.com/france24Public/en/administration/afp-news.html?id=070410224859.y9p7eriw&cat=null

Playing too much WOW?

Here's what posted on http://wow.allakhazam.com/ today.

How do you know you have been playing too much World of Warcraft?
You drive past a police car and wonder if you aggroed it.

"Aggro" is a term used in MMORPG’s to denote that a monster has or will become hostile towards a PC. Each creature has a specified Aggro Range/Radius. If you enter within that range, the creature will attack you. "Aggro" can also mean you are the focus of a monster’s attention/attacks, ie: "I have aggro!" http://www.blizzard.com/support/wowgm/?id=agm01076p

The Wisest of Wise Acts Like a Fool

How does one reacts, when he sees the world as it truly is, beyond control, complex as it is, and where things are presented to one often not by choice but by luck. How does one face the future and what does one strive for, when one sees his own actions as futile, and has little influence on the state of the world?

In ancient China, during the warring era, there was a very famous strategist, Gui Guzi (Sage of the Ghost Valley). He had cultivated two disciples, Su Qin and Zhang Yi, both equally capable. In those days, there are seven great nations. Qin was the strongest and the other six were becoming weaken due to weak leadership. Su Qin and Zhang Yi were about to make their mark within these seven nations. Su Qin, being rejected at Qin, worked for the other six nations, laying out a brillant plan and convinced the six nation to unite against the Qin. Qin was terrified. Using this opportunity, Zhang Yi presents himself to them and presented the strategy of disintegrating the alliance. Zhang Yi was welcomed into Qin and became the Premiere. Under Zhang Yi's diplomatic brilliance taking advantage of the Six Nations' weaknesses, the alliance was broken. Qin united China years after.

Is Zhang Yi better than Su Qin? Without Su Qin's success, Qin will not use Zhang Yi. Without Su Qin's brillance, Zhang Yi has no place to show his brilliance. In fact, once Su Qin failed, Zhang Yi did not keep his place for very long. If Qin had accepted Su Qin in the first place, Su Qin would be the one becoming the Premiere, and Zhang Yi would have to work for the other six nations. What is brilliance and what is luck?

Knowing this, the wise may live out his days knowing that chaos and dependency is the rule of the world, knowing that they also being beautiful surprises, and be weary of the not so pleasant things.

Caring but not too much

We often care about the work we do, and whether it will be successful. A lesson I learnt is:

How we usually thinks:
Work hard --> Issues --> Work harder --> Success --> Happiness

What usually happens:
Work hard --> Issues --> Work harder --> More issues --> Resolution --> Politics --> Hopelessness --> Complains --> What a mess --> Report out --> Close an eye --> Phew... what a year --> Can we write a nice paper on this?

Often the more we care, issues and political issues may turn stronger on us. Time, patience, and indifference may work better in many cases.

1. Care, but be mindful that each individual can only do so much.
2. Care, but be mindful that you need to convince many, which will delay the process by years.
3. Care, but be mindful that others may have hidden intentions.
4. Care, but be mindful that you may not be right.
5. Care, but take one step at a time. Be weary you may step on other people's toes.
6. Care, but act as if you can let go anytime.
7. Care, but care about people as well. We are human after all.

Why work?

Work can drive one crazy. The more you work, the more you inculcate the values of efficiency, effectiveness, and competitiveness. These values subconsciously get used in other parts of your life - your holidays, weekends, and evenings. Either we keep two alternate values in life, one for work, one for off-work, or we need to find something more encompassing.

The value of life, according to Chinese, is harmony with everything, and in that we need to be selfless. Selflessness is a way we conduct, not referencing just to the self, but to everything within the ecology - the people, the plant, the environment.

Its easy to say, hard to accomplish. What's one's dream, when one do not reference that only to him? Where can you go to pursue it when everyone is hoping you could stay? How does the self function when it cannot be found?

However, selflessness does not mean no self. The self is part of the ecology. And every decision made has to also consider this self. When a decision has to be made, which result is good for the self, and does no harm to the ecology, it does not defy the principles of selflessness.

At work, act selflessly. At home, act selflessly. Then we become in harmony with the environment.

(Have I achieved it? No! This is my encouragement to myself.)

Thinking perfectly and acting perfectly

I am someone who thinks rather deeply and thoroughly. However, I believed there are issues with this. Often, I would go too deep and figured out what is the best situation to be. However, people may not be ready to accept changes you like to propose. Thinking perfectly is often, in reality, painful and ironical.

Acting perfectly, on the other hand, is a virtue I would like to learn. Meaning I would act according to the constraints in the real world. I would know so and so has some goals in mind, and would not sway for anyone. I would know he cannot be brush aside. And so I would make a detour and leave him doing his ways. World remain imperfect, problems remain unsolved, some people still suffer, but this is to act perfectly.

The dumb+selfless and intelligent+selfish.

I realize both dumb and selfless, and intelligent and selfish can in fact be effective.

When one is dumb, be selfless:
1. When one is dumb, you need others to help you think, and the best way is to be nice to others so that they will accept you into their team.
2. Being selfless makes a lot of friends. You will assure your continual existence.
3. While dumb for now, one will not be dumb forever. Its just a slow start. Learn slow and steady, and being nice will buy you time.

When one is intelligent and chose to be selfish:
1. A selfish but intelligent person can be bought. They can still be made to work on the right things.
2. An intelligent person, no matter what they do, will not choose to break the laws and be caught. They can still be governed.
3. When properly encouraged, will go about removing evil in an organization and become the evil himself. So that one day, he too may be removed.

Sleepless in Toronto

I have been staying awake for long hours every night for the past 3 days. I think i clock average 4 hours per night. I am surprised I can still manage to conduct interviews.

Seated on bed bed, covered by quilt quilt, looking up the greyish blue sky, I knew neither day nor night.

Meditate with your battocks.

Most people do not understand meditation. Its not surprising. Meditation cannot be explained, it has to be experienced.

I was talking to a friend yesterday, and he asked, what do you do when you meditate? He asked if its just sitting motionlessly. I say its very hard to explain, but when you sit, its not with your battocks. When meditating, its your mind that is sitting. You can meditate while eating, walking, working, as long as your mind is sitting.

I think he probably still don't understand. I know, its difficult.

Humbugs of doing a PhD

Humbug: something designed to deceive and mislead

I received the offer letter for PhD and I am experiencing some heartache over the salary. Its not easy because years in life accumulated a lot of knowledge humbugs that some may be quite emotional. Here a list:

(1) Money humbug. The percentage decrease in salary is astronomical. I can no longer buy branded apparels for my wife. In exchange, I have to relearn the beauty of nature, pluck flowers instead of buying one, picking the pearl-like dew on a morning leaf instead of the real pearl, and revising how to make handicrafts. Sweet talks maybe cheap and effective.

(2) Food humbug. Food in USA is terrible and expensive. Imagine bad taste Chinese food for USD$6-7. We have the best in the country for SGD$2-3. Not to mention that food stalls close at 7pm, not open until 11am. Serving in slow, waiters impolite, and there are miles away from your home. In exchange, I get to recall how I cook and maybe a chance to learn to appreciate the mild and elegant tea.

(3) Durian humbug. No durian!?! No king of fruits! and chiku, rambutan, longan, water melon, coconut, ... I don't know what to make of this. Sob.

(4) House humbug. So far, everyone likes my house. Its high with a good view of downtown Singapore, cooling, quiet yet near the town center, nice neighbors, close to parks, lots of hawker food, well furnished, media center + surround sound system, 150sqm area, lots of paintings, and very quiet Mitsibushi A/C! But Lin Yutang says, "the rich and busy requires a small garden right behind his house, but the poor has a fenceless garden that covers all that he can see." I have to learn to appreciate beauty in the surrounding beyond the artificial, and make the universe my home.

Four humbugs? Not too many... I would like to think of becoming a poor PhD student as a wise Chinese official who resigned his riches and becoming a vagabond. He who want to discover Tao has to give up the world possessions! Its fun to think that way. In fact, whether one is a wise vagabond or just a begger much depends on the motivation of renunciation. Knowledge is mercurial, however, deepening of a character goes a long way.

About Doing a PhD

I finally received word that I have been accepted by UCI (University of California, Irvine). Professor is Bonnie Nardi. It was so exciting to know that I now have a formal opportunity to work with her.

It was a strange feeling of excitement coupled with the same uncertainty when I first left Singapore for the Internship. I was prepared for the worst but the experience turns out very good. Now that this is my 4th year of my professional career, done stuffs, and know lots of good colleagues, it feels like time to move on. Actions become repetitive, and work becomes political. I am happy to go back to University and return to the pursuit for knowledge and personal growth. In fact, good things about my days as a Master student returns to me.

However, since I returned to Singapore, I saw good about the city. It was a clean place, with stable environment and cheap food thrills. There is nothing exciting about the city, so I heard of any great cities such as Zurich. Its too safe to be. But stability allows your mind to settle and movement become harmonize. You can 'rot' if you like, acting in a harmonic motion, day after day. Friends, family, and the usual hawker fare will always be there.

Then why would I want to go? I think I am suited for academic research, and occasionally helping commercial companies in meaningful applications. Doing commercial all day long? I am not sure if I have the taste for more politics than I encounter now. I think constant fighting with people obscure the mind and one is more useful staying happy and focus. Not doing commercial at all? Confucius forbids. Why write papers without putting it to use?

Facts supporting the idlist.

I have been suspecting that an advanced society would be appreciative of the existence of idlists. An article in newsweek just pointed out the problem of being too busy.

At 46, Philip Burguières was running a Fortune 500 company, traveling constantly and meeting with shareholders, when, in the middle of a staff meeting on a Tuesday afternoon, he suddenly collapsed. Doctors diagnosed him with depression and encouraged him to leave his high-stress job. But after a short hospital stay, he was back in the game and by the following year was running Weatherford International, an energy-services company with $3 billion in revenues. The pressure became unbearable, and in 1996 he once again took a medical leave. "The second one was a grade-A, level-10, atomic-bomb depression," he says. In his darkest moments, he was certain the world would be better off without him, but even then, he felt enormous pressure to succeed. "I want out, but am stuck because I have never quit anything in my life," he wrote in a hospital diary. Strengthened by counseling and a friendship with a similarly depressed CEO, Burguières attained what he describes as a "full recovery" and stepped down as CEO. He found new work running a family investment company and as vice chairman of the NFL's Houston Texans, positions that permit him to delegate more responsibility and have more fun. He also found that helping other people was the best way for him to get better, and since 1998, he has been privately counseling the numerous depressed CEOs who seek him out. "You get outside yourself; you don't obsess on your own issues," he says.

I think the idlist attitude has a role to play here. If we remember how to idle, to pay attention to the wind, our friends, and the flowers, we would never become too busy and always maintain an appreciation for pleasure. And we are able to realize the fullest potential our civilization as to offer.

The crazily busy and the ideal idlist.

One of our favorite question on meeting someone is, "How's your work?" The favorite answer is, "Oh... so busy." Being busy is a fashionable label anyone pursuing success should try to attain. This is nonetheless crazy from any humane standpoint. What has being busy anything to do with success?

I came across a very successful person's blog, it was a case of a crazily busy:

"When we started our vacation last week, I was pretty sure that vacations are generally not a good idea.
... I use the term "we" with some caution. We - that is, my husband and I - have never really been a "we" in the sense of those old stories, movies, TV shows. ... We argue too much, sleep too much, eat too much, and worry about what's going wrong at home, what's going wrong with our kids and our jobs, what's going wrong with our vacation. We have unrealistic hopes and unreasonable desires. We can't talk about work. We can't talk about the kids. We can't talk about "someday" - that occupied us well in our forties, but no longer - it's just too scary. I find myself secretly wishing we were at home, tending the flowers and getting work done.
... Lately two daughters and I went to see Kate Mullgrew as Katharine Hepburn in "Tea at Five." In the play, Kate comes to the realization that work was the way she always survived her difficulties. I ponder what work means to me. True, work can make a person happy - when one loves one's work; when one knows what one's work is; when one has measurable outcomes - even if only in the coin of personal pleasure. But work does not necessarily make life meaningful. When the time needed to get one's work done exceeds the time available, meaningfulness slips appallingly away.
... after a week of vacation, it's going to be even harder to climb back into my working shoes. I am cynical about the possibility of experiencing "renewal" in seven days and dreading the moment when I have to climb the mountain of email that will pile up in my short absence.
... This is my last rant for a while. I've got to get some work done so I can take another vacation."

While working in America, I am suspicious that life of all successful are not so successful. Meaning that behind their job success, their life were somehow affected. Some 'wise' consultant said, "If you put in 10% more effort than your peers, you will rip 50% more returns." But these 10% efforts come from time you would spend with your bare consciousness, so that at the end of the day, we remember who we are, where we come from, and for what purpose we are here? I am not talking about deep philosophies. I am saying that when shopping with a friend, we know we come from our house, came shopping with this person, and pay attention to her ranting. In the end, we learn more about her and she felt satisfied having a friend like us.

An ideal idlist would work in a different way. In order to keep our consciousness clear, open, and sharp, we need to keep it happy. She would work when she likes to work, take a sip when she likes, walk when she likes, rest when she likes, and return to work when she likes. There is no burden in her mind when she works, because that is what she wants to do.

However the problem an ideal idlist faced was the 8 hours work day and 40 hours work week. Following an ideal lifestyle, the idlist may wake up at 10am, worked until 4pm, and felt the need to take a walk to find out what everyone else were up to. He walked down the shopping strip and explore the surrounding. People ranting along the street, cars engine, discount posters along the malls' windows, and a long queue formed up from a bank teller machine. He is happily observing the business of others and it becomes much more important than the work he is doing. Such idlist may return to work at 8pm when he remembered an important email that he needs to write, or upon having a creative idea while bathing.

In a world of fixed-time working schedule, this idlist works when she's tired of work, unable to work when she needs to work, and unable to do more important things when she needs to. Life becomes upside down and priorities get abandoned. Soon, working hard becomes the only thing she can boast about. When there is no creative ideas or new responsibilities, the best one can do is the respond to old tasks on time on target, and make sure there is no mistakes. Respond to emails, respond to questions, update databases, etc. The next time someone comes by the ask, "How are you doing?"
"Great! Sorry about not responding to you. I am SO busy and flooded with emails."
"How's your work?"
"Oh its great! Enough to keep me busy."

For happiness or happiness itself?

There are many books on happiness. Generally it goes like: The key to happiness is to be ... ... . On the surface it looks fine. But every description requires an opposite side to stand. Its thus also implying: You are not happy unless you ... ... .

Thus every HOW of happiness imply some kind of unpleasantness.

I prefer some expressions of happiness itself. Here's one:

This morning I woke up a five after a very sound sleep and listened to a most gorgeous feast of sounds. What woke me up were the factory whistles of a great variety of pitch and force. After a while, I heard a distant clatter of horse's hoofs; it must have been cavalry passing down Yuyuen Road; and in that quiet dawn it gave me more aesthetic delight than a Brahms symphony. Then came a few early chirps from some kind of birds. I am sorry I am not proficient in birdlore, but I enjoyed them all the same. Lin Yutang in The Importance of Living

Learning to loaf, again.

Despite all the great things I have learned from America, something that I have unlearned is the art of loafing. To loaf, one must walk life with the objective of enjoying the walk in itself. However, American life is so full of actions that every moment is a planning to succeed. Planning to succeed itself, is to admit that one has not and so will need to put in more effort. So many days and weeks and months, one keeps driving for success. This is probably the essence of why America is so powerful today.

Loafing is different. A loafer is a contented soul who thinks what he has is good enough, at least for now. He is contented enough not to think too much, more than just enjoying the present moment. He smells the fragrant of the trees, caressing wind, pitying the busy passer-bys, and when tired, look for a nice cafe for a sip of ice mocha. He forgets the time, for he need not rush for the another meeting.

括猪头

在华人的习俗里，过年时，是不可以欠钱的。高利贷想必也希望能把债务澄清好过大财年。今年可能就不比往年难了。因为今年所卖的猪头又多又有过年的气息。想欠债的人被括了之后也会满心欢喜。说不定马上就把债给还清了。

温心有趣的祝福

大前天举行了婚礼。收到了许多的祝福。大多都言语谨慎，声势高雅。但有一个却让笑得肚子痛，坐不起来。


小两口？或许在我心深处还向往着简单的生活吧。

2 days before wedding.

Nothing seems to be happening for now. Feels like the quietness before the battle. :)

Blabbing about life -- Reasonable and unreasonable things

The Chinese New Year is coming. So its again time of the year for reflection. I reflected on the following.

Unreasonable things I do in the past:
1. No trying to get back the 10% discount I was not given.
2. Not raising my voice in any circumstances.
3. 100% vegetarianism.
4. Hoping to succeed in career.
5. Wanting to be happy.
6. Wanting to be rich.

Reasonable things I want to do in the new year:
1. I will ask for the 10% even if I may not get it.
2. I will raise my voice at times without feeling angry.
3. I will eat something else if the vegetarian food doesn't taste good.
4. I work but not hope to be successful.
5. I should be happy already.
6. I don't want to be rich but I don't mind having more money.

How is food important to Chinese?

Only when you are doing a vegetarian dinner do you realize how important is meat to Chinese.

For without meat:
1. Some refused to come.
2. Some rather seat out of sight and enjoy meat.
3. Some consume lots of meat before or after they come.
4. Some ask us to change the location to the void deck.
5. Some want to end our relationships.

You know you have a good friend when:
1. He says he don't know why you are eating vege but he will come anyway.

Blabbing about life -- Meaning of work

Work has taken a center stage for life from 20-60, with some variations. To some, they said, life is work. Well then how do these people account for life before 20 and life after the body cannot work anymore? Is life meaningless in those years?

No one can oppose the fact that basis of work is livelihood. Livelihood is the basis of survival. Many thousand years ago, work for men is hunting and women gathering. Its now more complicated with many professions to choose from. But none has differed from the original goal. But as the basic goal is achieve, people developed sub-goals, such as becoming somebody or becoming rich. Doing good work, on top of just work, is a fuel for achievements throughout ones life.

Work may also be expanded to mean other things that are indirectly related to livelihood. For a housewife, work is to care for the young, the old, and the breadwinner. For a missionary, work is to educate the public to lead a better life. These work may not seem to produce anything useful, yet they support the work of the direct contributors. Similarly, some proper professions such as politicians, entertainers, and philosophers do not really produce anything useful, yet society needs them for maintaining a good spirit for proper governance.

Work is really something that defines ourselves in a society. In any cities, anyone contributes to everyone else. One that does no work is breaking an unsaid rule and frowned upon. Beggers are never a pretty sight and they are symbols of city deterioration. Making oneself useful is to find a place for oneself, and to make ones life meaningful.

So said, what does a child or older person do that is work? The work for a child is to learn, is to bring hope for the society, and to bring joy to the older adults. A child that does not learn, does not pay attend to his future, and non friendly, is again breaking an unsaid rule and frowned upon. A

n older adult is a symbol of success and glorious past. A country without the old is one without a memory. Wise olds are the cornerstone of any society, and they are always remembered and recalled in times of hardship and difficulties. Their work is thus to preserve their past, educate the young, and maintaining the integrity of the society. Only older people with success in the past can age wholesomely. Older adults who brought harm to the society in the past will find it hard to redeem their deeds.

Therefore, everybody has to work. Only that work changes throughout our life. If we do not move on and change our behavior to fit the situation, we will be out of place within the society. Work hard everyone, but don't remember to maintain a reasonable spirit!

Blabbing about life

I intended for this to be the first of many blogs blabbing about life. It has been a long time that I was buried in work and few of these occupy much of my tiny brain. Yet, thanks for a period of less work and lots of private time, my brain is again generating thoughts around life.

Whenever I felt quiet and peaceful, I will feel a sense of irony about life. When one is busy with responsibilities, one felt invincible. Good times look like going to last forever. When one is peaceful and facing with reality, one is happy but also further sighted. Life had undergone many changes through the years of growing up, and will still undergo more changes. There will be ups and downs. At the inevitable deterioration of 70s, life will slowly creep to an end. One starts questioning, what is the purpose of pursuits in fame, richness, and material happiness?

I am not an opponent of materialism, rather I believe materialism is important to us. Yet, I am not a supporter of materialism, for I think we can ideally do without materialsm. Materialsm makes the world prosper, yet at the same time, set the world on inevitable decay of the mind and spirit. In everything, reasonableness rules. Only when people are reasonable can be swim freely and surf harmlessly in the sea of life. The reasonable spirit is not carved in stone. Its a decision making ability created our of both rationale consideration and emotional feelings for others. When I decide to work at Starbucks when I am sick of my home, I am being reasonable. When I decide to push myself to the edge so that I can do 120% work every month, I am unreasonable. Reasonable spirit sustain ourselves and our mental state. It also helps make other people's life better.

The problem in life is its too hard to be reasonable all the time. We get consumed by work and care more about the words we submit to our boss and clients than the sun, sand, sea, and creatures around us. After being bitten by other horrid creatures like the crook salespeople, we can begin to care more about ourselves. Being reasonable takes a reasonable state of mind, which is hard to achieve.

Having reasonable spirits guaranteed good times ahead. However, good times will come to pass and death await at the end of the tunnel. Good for those who hated life that suffering will end. But for whom who love life what is in for them? Shrug. A saying in Chinese goes, "Ren ruo jiang si qi yan yi san." It means a dying man speaks kindly. This shows when a man looses all pursuit, his kindness is revealed. If life will end is not so important if everyone has the same nature. For this nature live on in others on our passing. If we act according to this nature, then we strength human life in accordance to what we live to become.

... to be continued.

I am because I am not

Over my many years of aging, I realize something interesting.

1. He who said he is reasonable is unreasonable.
2. He who said he is simple is not simple.
3. He who said he is ambitious has not think through life very much.
4. He who thinks others are selfish is selfish himself.
5. Merchants who said his goods are cheap is selling expensively.
6. He who claims his things are cheap spent more unnecessary money.
7. He who thinks he is unfortunate overlooked many blessings.

Alternatively:
1. He who says he is stupid is not stupid.
2. He who says he is selfish is thinking for others.
3. He who thinks he is selling too expensively is selling reasonably.
4. He who thinks he is lazy is working hard.
5. He who makes the world go round does not think he is the king.
6. He who love life don't care about life too much.
7. He who is successful didn't realize it himself.

Why the contradiction? I do not claim to know. But when we said we are, we are contemplating the relativity of our actions to others, and the consequences. When we saw ourselves as already positive, we have reached the pinnacle of improvements and will become stagnant of even deteriorate. When we saw ourselves as bad, we see the opportunities to improve and will make the change.

When we are focus on opportunities and stop comparing ourselves to others, we already has confident above the rests and start thinking beyond conventional wisdom. Such person will achieve true greatness.

A week before the wedding

Wedding is a scary term for many young Chinese. It means a lot of unreasonable customs to follow, a lot of money spent, and a lot of interpersonal conflicts to handle. I have done and been through much of these with only a week left to the real day. And I have learnt many things:

1. He who said he wants things to be simple is not simple.
2. The most unreasonable is also the most domineering.
3. In assimilating two family cultures, the one with the most ancestry quotations triumph.
4. He who said things are cheap spent the most.
5. He who said nothing is not happy.
6. He who care about you has nothing to ask for, and probably said little, and will be there when first ask.
7. Best friends said they will be there, and if you need help.
8. Acquaintances said they need to check.
9. Good acquaintances said congrats, but they still have to check.
10. Bad acquaintances said they will be coming, then you hear no more.
11. Good relatives said congrats and looks happy for you.
12. Normal relatives ask where it is, what food it is, and if you have done this and that, but is not going to help you do it.
13. Bad relatives ask if you are going to get married at the void deck and if you are giving thousand of dollars, and doing acrobats on the wedding day.
14. Everyone has wedding fantasies, not just the bride.
15. If you ask everyone about their fantasies, you will be overwhlemed now, if you don't ask, you will be overwhelmed later.

One week left. My Emcee has to overshoot his stay in the states and I found another good friend to help me out. All my best friends are going to be my brothers. The tables looked all filled for now but there are still constant dropouts due to work commitments. I have asked my Big Aunt to help my mom out as she looks lost. The food is looking good, wine and flowers have been booked, and photos are ready. I wish that next Tues come quickly so that I get my life back.

How wedding evolved?

Many tens of thousand years ago, people were hunting and gathering resources. As resources deplete, people have to move on. When two factions meet, I would imagine they clashed. The fittest will survive, and the egoistic males of loosing faction will be killed. The submissive females will survive and be assimilated. I assumed this was the family life of out ancestors.

I can imagine how difficult is it for all the nomadic tribes to assimilate to form cities. Somewhere down the road, hunter gatherers started to explore ways of growing their own food. I assume these will be simple to grow plants like bean sprouts. They still move on, but carrying seeds with them to another spot. When agriculture became more advance and substainable, they learnt that farming is more productive than hunting. However, everyone is settling at the same spot, near rivers! Tribes fought and at some point they learnt to live together. But the instinct caring for in-group probably persisted, leading to rules and laws being passed to prevent groups from clashing. In any labor intensive work such as agriculture, it must be a great lost if one of your member is married into another group. Therefore, some form of compensation was formulated to trade off the imbalance, and that is the ping4 jing4 (or proposing money). The married woman probably felt a lot of pain to move into another unfamiliar family, many probably ran off at some point, leading to more conflicts. Thus evolved the custom of beating the wife on her first day so that she would submit. On the other side, her family would miss her, thus evolved the tradition to returning to niang2 jia1 (woman's home) after a while. In between, there were traditions of exchanges of gifts to establish goodwill.

There are many others but I would like to stop blabbing, the point is ... I am feeling all these traditions are out of touch. Its so tiring to do things for the sake of it, especially you won't know what to do by reasonableness, except to ask. Our life and priority changes, and many customs were out of date. We need to evolve new customs to fit the modern world. Its time to change...

是不是男人

是不是男人，蒙古人最清楚。是男人的人，第一以事业为重。第二疼爱保护自己心爱的女人。做不到任何一点的，是半个男人。任何一点都做不到的，不是男人。

Cultural openness = Intelligence?

In the Tang Dynasty and before, Chinese were open and accepting to multi-culture. Women wear sleeveless and you can see their pale white leg. Somewhere in Song and Ming, the last two dynasties led by Chinese natives, people became very conservative. Slightess immorality can be punishable by death.

I do observed that many successful societies are not conservative. Today we have USA, and in the past Qin Dynasty, Tang Dynasty, Mongols, not sure about Roman and Alexandra, but I am sure they are no where near conservative.

Successful societies seem to be injected with adrenalin of change, uncertainties, and restlessness. People are on the move to make things happen and opportunities abound. When a society become conservative, many laws and regulations control people's movement and thoughts. As such, movement and change slowed. It wasn't a bad thing to enable people to take a break after long period of war or disaster. However, long term effects mean inadaptability. Also converativism also means extreme means of control over the people is required. Law is enforced using culture, not logic, as a foundation, inevitability lead to social tension, I believed the long term effect is non-action and selfishness.

Well, just me theory. :)

To succeed or to be happy?

How many heroes die with regrets, or lead a lonely old age? How many commoners spent a wholesome life, and die in obscurity? What if one knows the ingredient to be successful? Would you like to cook it?

Misfortune befallen

When misfortune befallen the wise, he sighs to himself, and smile to others.

When misfortune befallen the fool, he sighs to himself, and cries to others.

Peace and quiet and infighting

Had a long break since one week before Christmas. All the inner fighting has gone down. Now and then, there are pushes to move and frigid. But those are lesser and such voices are weak.

Peace and quiet. Long lost feelings.